Honey Dew Dreams

Sometimes I wonder what the blazes I am doing here. I guess I really did have a bad day today at work. This teenage mother was in the store yelling at her little one just because he couldn't make up his mind on the dollar toy that he wanted. I don't get it I really don't. These people really don't know how lucky they are. I would give anything in the world to be able to have a child to give anything to and these twits can reproduce time and time again and they don't give a crap. It just really gets to me sometimes. All I've ever wanted was to be a mother and I never will be. It breaks my heart. I guess it's just because it's coming up on what would have been our child's second birthday. I know that I'm going to be a really rotten person to be around for the next while. I think that's why I have to keep busy.

It's just not fair and I know that no matter how big a fit that I throw it will never change that fact. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't have children, my grandmother keeps saying stupid things to me like how my life would have been different had my baby lived. Yeah I wouldn't feel like I'm missing something in my life. I wouldn't have this huge hole in my heart and I wouldn't feel like I'm a failer all the time.

I can't take this tonight I'm going to go to bed.

# 12:09 a.m.

Honey Dew Dreams

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

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